A trip down anxiety lane


imageWhen I met J to pick up our boy this afternoon he asked if he could take him on a trip. My first thought was, well as long as it falls on his weekend. It does fall on his next weekend but J needs our boy a day early, so he will miss one day of school. No big deal.

I’m happy that J has offered to take our little man, I think it will be a good bonding experience. However, they are going to the aquarium that I had planned to take my boy to myself. The Ripley’s Aquarium in Toronto. It’s pretty neato, I went in the fall for my birthday getaway. It makes me a little sad but there are so many places I can take my kiddos to see.

Here’s where my good ol’ friend anxiety kicks in. It’s 3:35am and I’m thinking about J and his new family. I can’t believe how put together they seem. J and his fiance have had another baby since we had our boy. Which still ticks me off! Not to get away from the topic though, I just remember what I went through when I was with J

  • constant manipulation
  • being told I was selfish all the time
  • verbal abuse
  • spitting in my face
  • countless incidents of cheating
  • being told that I was only going to college to meet younger hotter
  • guys and much more

I’ll never forget the time that I met J’s friend in the store for the first time. He introduced me as his girlfriend and then told her that I had postpartum. Well first of all I didn’t have postpartum, I loved our little boy with all my heart. I couldn’t be happier to be a mom again. I was just starting to see J for what he truly was. I was unhappy at home because I couldn’t handle our relationship anymore.

I’d like to think that he has changed, that he learned a lesson when I walked away. The situation makes me upset though. Why did I have to be the one that went through all of the pain, manipulation and lies? Don’t get me wrong I came out swinging and I’m much stronger than I ever was before. Sometimes I wonder if I’m too strong-willed now.

J often still tries to manipulate me but I simply won’t have it now. I will never let someone treat me that way again! I think it’s funny how in the end he is the one that has the fiance and I ended up being the single parent.

I’m personally in no rush to meet Mr Right, as much as I joke about it. It just seems to me that things have a funny way of working out. I pray for J’s fiance that he has changed. No one ever deserves to go through what I went through.

Can someone change so much in such a little amount of time though? I heard once a cheater always a cheater and you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.

I guess only time can tell.


2 thoughts on “A trip down anxiety lane

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s