I have to share the details of my painful day with y’all. It might have been one of the most embarrassing days of my life, well top 10 at least but I just need to get it out of my head…
I took my daughter to the fair today. She had a blast on all the rides and enjoyed some fair food. I also let her little buddy from next door come along, so she was really over the moon. I should feel really happy that today was such a success! Instead I’m sitting here feeling like a failure. You see Miss S was excited yet scared to get on one ride in particular. It was fast and it went upside down. I decided I better go on the ride with her to make sure she was okay. This is when the most embarrassing thing of my life happened to me. When I went to get into the ride with my baby girl my hips were too large. I’m sitting in the ride thinking ouch this is going to kill me and then the ride operator comes over and says very loudly that I would have to exit the ride. Not only am I feeling disgusting at this point but I also feel like a failure to my daughter. She was scared to go without me and then here I am leaving the ride with my head held low in shame. Anxiety then kicks in after I get off the ride, the tears and negative thoughts start flowing.
I had worked my self-confidence up to a pretty high level over the last couple years. I know life isn’t all about looks. However, today shattered everything that I have worked toward. How do you explain to your children that you are afraid to try to get on the rides with them at the fair just in case you don’t fit. Honestly, one of the worst moments of my life!
Luckily my daughter loved the ride, what a brave little trooper she is. She also thanked me a million and one times for taking her and her friend out for a fun day. I’m so happy she loves me in any form and doesn’t judge me on the size or shape of my body. Today definitely serves as motivation to get back to the old me, the one that isn’t trapped inside of this body that I hate. I find it ridiculously hard to find the motivation and time to get out and get active after working a long shift and doing my mommy duties. I think it is time to hit the drawing board though and get serious about a fitness plan. I will NEVER let this kind of humiliation happen again!!
Where I want to be! The me from six years ago!
Where I am now! Gosh my daughter is a cutie!
IT WILL CHANGE!