Music Feeds my Soul – Boys Like a Little More Booty to hold at Night

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I’m really loving this song right now. Embrace your size, shape and beauty no matter what you look like. What a fantastic anthem for any girl in today’s society.

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Music Feeds My Soul – Do You Like You?

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I just heard this song today and I absolutely love it! Colbie Caillat is such a beautiful person inside and out. I think this song sends a great message to women everywhere.

I myself am victim of feeling the need to conform to societies image of the “perfect” woman in so many ways. It’s sad that our daughters, sisters, friends and so on are growing up thinking that they have to look a certain way to be beautiful. There is so much more to life than physical appearance. I really love this video and the message that it delivers.

I hope that my daughter grows up knowing that she is beautiful inside and out whether she is fresh-faced or made up. It’s really what is on the inside that matters most.

The Life of a Serial Dater

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heartThe world of dating has been a heck of a journey for me. I’ve met an interesting cast of characters, as you know if you’ve been keeping up with me. If not check out my bitter rantings on d-bags and catch up, promise it won’t disappoint!

My friend and I came up with a few theories about dating as heavier girls. This is what we think goes on inside of a mans mind…

1) We think guys target heavier girls because they assume we have low self-esteem and will be easier to get into bed.

2) They think we will try harder to please them because we might not typically be desired by most guys. If you don’t know how long you will wait for the next guy to come along you will try harder to hang on to this one, right?

Also as a single parent it’s an assumption that you will be easy. Society has made people come to the conclusion that all single mothers are promiscuous.

I personally think it’s disgusting that people think this way. There are so many single mother’s out there that were in what they thought was the perfect relationship and it just didn’t work out. Reality is, life is messy and things don’t always turn out the way they were meant to. That does not mean that us single mothers slept around and got knocked up.

So the other day I joined Twitter. The first person to chat with me said he was single, no kids and that he and I should get together. First thought, I have no clue who you are. Second thought, wow that was forward. So I replied, yes I am single but have two children and I don’t know you. Brace yourself for what came next. This guy had the audacity to say…

You must really like sex to have two kids already!

My reply….

Actually my husband unfortunately passed away a few years back. We were actually planning a family together.

So I lied, I feel slightly bad but honestly I think someone needed to put that guy in his place. Who even says that to a woman!

I have to admit I’ve become a serial dater over the past three years. I’ve dated all kinds of guys thinking it likely won’t amount to anything. Well, I met a guy last night that challenged my way of thinking.

I told him my theories about dating single moms and heavier girls. He admitted that yes guys actually do think that way. Point for my friend and I, we know how to crack the mind of a man! However, he took it a step farther. He asked how my last relationship ended. I told him it was partially because I had been cheated on. Pause….. well that makes you defected! He pointed out that girls that have been hurt in the past purposely date “the bad guy” to avoid those dreadful things called feelings. With the bad guy you know it won’t last long before he does something to mess the relationship up. No intense feelings, no mess.

Normally I would be defensive but I have to say I agree. The idea of being in a long term relationship sounds amazing! I would love to have someone to cuddle with at night, a partner to share my exciting news with and eventually a man to share my kiddos with. However, when all comes down to it I am that girl that runs before there are any serious feelings. I don’t want to go through the pain of being hurt again.

Now I am wondering, will I forever be a serial dater? Will I ever let the feeling of loving someone else in again? I find myself confused about what I really want and need now. Am I really as confident as I thought I was or am I just to afraid to let someone in and running the risk of him breaking me down…. oh anxiety how I loathe thee! Β 

 

Self love – I feel pretty, Oh so pretty

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As a single mother of two I don’t have all that many “sexy” moments these days. It’s hard to feel sexy while doing laundry, scrubbing floors and working with/raising children. I know selfies are ridiculous. However, as I was standing in this retro grungy old dinner bathroom this morning I looked in the mirror and thought I feel sexy today!

I hope every woman has a moment where they feel sexy every once in a while. Even if it is just for a moment.

What my daughter has taught me on this crazy journey called parenting

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My daughter is clever, funny, artistic, kind and caring. She has an old soul and is growing up way faster than I had anticipated. I’ve come to realize lately that my daughter and I share quite a few similarities. We both appreciate artistic expression and music. We genuinely care about people and feel a need to make sure that everything is very zen in our relationships. She is quite sarcastic at times, unfortunately that also comes from me.

Sarcasm has always been my safety net. When I feel upset or frustrated I use sarcasm to avoid negative feelings. At first my daughter would say are you being serious or silly mom? or mom you are strange. I always laugh remembering theses times. My sweet daughter however caught on to my sarcastic nature at about the age of five. She now dishes it back just as fast as I spew it out. I really can’t blame the girl though.

I see so much of myself in my girl. If I had of been asked seven years ago if I would like to raise a daughter and have her turn out like me, I would have said absolutely not! I had not been to post secondary school, I was about to be a single mother which I deemed as unacceptable and I lacked confidence.

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The day my daughter was born I was overcome with joy and love. It’s amazing how quickly you fall completely in love with your child. I knew from that moment on that I was going on this amazing yet terrifying journey. I knew that I wanted to become the woman who I would want to look up to.

Although my daughter was not in the plans she definitely changed my life for the best. I would not change a single thing even if I could. She gave me the courage to pursue post secondary and lived the roller coaster ride of a college student with me. Sometimes it was tough skipping out on pub but having a two-year old at home-made it worth it.

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I’ve also learned that it is ok to be a single mother. This took some time and tears. I thought I had met the love of my life and quickly settled into playing house. Then came my son, the second light of my life. After I realized I was forcing myself to stay in an abusive relationship just because I didn’t want to be stereotyped as a single mom I made the decision to try life on my own again. I was afraid of the stereotype inflicted by society. I mean there are some terrible single parents but there are also some truly amazing single parents. Looking at my children and how they are growing shows me that I am doing a damn good job as mom and dad (most of the time) and that they are going to be just fine.

If I were to be asked now if I am happy that my daughter is turning out like me I would say absolutely. Sometimes we are stubborn, catty and just a down right pain but I know my girl will be able to handle anything that life throws her way.