Meow! Scratch that off Thee Ol’ Bucket List

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When I heard about the 5k Run or Dye marathon I instantly knew it was something I had to do. I mean, how often does one get to prowl around the city with cat ears and wiskers on their face?

I also liked that the proceeds of the marathon went to a local charity. Having fun and working hard for a cause seemed like a good way to start off a Saturday.

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This was my team! The crazy cat ladies. In case you’ve never heard of Run or Dye, it’s a 5k run/jog/walk that has dye stations placed in 1k intervals throughout the course. It was one of the many things I had put on my bucket list.

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I myself am not all that fit. I’ve tried over the last bit to get in shape but it’s a long process. I wasn’t going to let my body or negative opinions stop me from doing something I really wanted to do though.

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Despite being a bigger girl I do have TONS of energy and a positive mind set. I was a little bit worried that I wouldn’t be able to do it but I KILLED it!! Two of our team members quit but Corrie cat and I had a blast powering through the uphill walk in the hot hot sun.

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A huge lesson I’ve learned lately is to have fun, stop undereatimating what I can do and to ignore the negative people around me.

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The dye stations were amazing! I love bright colours. The dj at the end of the course was adorable and had fantastic music. I had a blast dancing and celebrating!!

Verdict is: Run or Dye was amazing and everyone should experience it!!

Ricarda Simmons, peacing out.

Holy Cow, Shoot Me Now!

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I have to share the details of my painful day with y’all. It might have been one of the most embarrassing days of my life, well top 10 at least but I just need to get it out of my head…

I took my daughter to the fair today. She had a blast on all the rides and enjoyed some fair food. I also let her little buddy from next door come along, so she was really over the moon. I should feel really happy that today was such a success! Instead I’m sitting here feeling like a failure. You see Miss S was excited yet scared to get on one ride in particular. It was fast and it went upside down. I decided I better go on the ride with her to make sure she was okay. This is when the most embarrassing thing of my life happened to me. When I went to get into the ride with my baby girl my hips were too large. I’m sitting in the ride thinking ouch this is going to kill me and then the ride operator comes over and says very loudly that I would have to exit the ride. Not only am I feeling disgusting at this point but I also feel like a failure to my daughter. She was scared to go without me and then here I am leaving the ride with my head held low in shame. Anxiety then kicks in after I get off the ride, the tears and negative thoughts start flowing.

I had worked my self-confidence up to a pretty high level over the last couple years. I know life isn’t all about looks. However, today shattered everything that I have worked toward. How do you explain to your children that you are afraid to try to get on the rides with them at the fair just in case you don’t fit. Honestly, one of the worst moments of my life!

Luckily my daughter loved the ride, what a brave little trooper she is. She also thanked me a million and one times for taking her and her friend out for a fun day. I’m so happy she loves me in any form and doesn’t judge me on the size or shape of my body. Today definitely serves as motivation to get back to the old me, the one that isn’t trapped inside of this body that I hate. I find it ridiculously hard to find the motivation and time to get out and get active after working a long shift and doing my mommy duties. I think it is time to hit the drawing board though and get serious about a fitness plan. I will NEVER let this kind of humiliation happen again!!

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Where I want to be! The me from six years ago!

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Where I am now! Gosh my daughter is a cutie!

IT WILL CHANGE!

 

The Life of a Serial Dater

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heartThe world of dating has been a heck of a journey for me. I’ve met an interesting cast of characters, as you know if you’ve been keeping up with me. If not check out my bitter rantings on d-bags and catch up, promise it won’t disappoint!

My friend and I came up with a few theories about dating as heavier girls. This is what we think goes on inside of a mans mind…

1) We think guys target heavier girls because they assume we have low self-esteem and will be easier to get into bed.

2) They think we will try harder to please them because we might not typically be desired by most guys. If you don’t know how long you will wait for the next guy to come along you will try harder to hang on to this one, right?

Also as a single parent it’s an assumption that you will be easy. Society has made people come to the conclusion that all single mothers are promiscuous.

I personally think it’s disgusting that people think this way. There are so many single mother’s out there that were in what they thought was the perfect relationship and it just didn’t work out. Reality is, life is messy and things don’t always turn out the way they were meant to. That does not mean that us single mothers slept around and got knocked up.

So the other day I joined Twitter. The first person to chat with me said he was single, no kids and that he and I should get together. First thought, I have no clue who you are. Second thought, wow that was forward. So I replied, yes I am single but have two children and I don’t know you. Brace yourself for what came next. This guy had the audacity to say…

You must really like sex to have two kids already!

My reply….

Actually my husband unfortunately passed away a few years back. We were actually planning a family together.

So I lied, I feel slightly bad but honestly I think someone needed to put that guy in his place. Who even says that to a woman!

I have to admit I’ve become a serial dater over the past three years. I’ve dated all kinds of guys thinking it likely won’t amount to anything. Well, I met a guy last night that challenged my way of thinking.

I told him my theories about dating single moms and heavier girls. He admitted that yes guys actually do think that way. Point for my friend and I, we know how to crack the mind of a man! However, he took it a step farther. He asked how my last relationship ended. I told him it was partially because I had been cheated on. Pause….. well that makes you defected! He pointed out that girls that have been hurt in the past purposely date “the bad guy” to avoid those dreadful things called feelings. With the bad guy you know it won’t last long before he does something to mess the relationship up. No intense feelings, no mess.

Normally I would be defensive but I have to say I agree. The idea of being in a long term relationship sounds amazing! I would love to have someone to cuddle with at night, a partner to share my exciting news with and eventually a man to share my kiddos with. However, when all comes down to it I am that girl that runs before there are any serious feelings. I don’t want to go through the pain of being hurt again.

Now I am wondering, will I forever be a serial dater? Will I ever let the feeling of loving someone else in again? I find myself confused about what I really want and need now. Am I really as confident as I thought I was or am I just to afraid to let someone in and running the risk of him breaking me down…. oh anxiety how I loathe thee!